shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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