even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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