Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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