Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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