Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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