I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just googled if crying burns calories
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
