i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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