the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
