At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize