Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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