i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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