I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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