Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
