i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
