aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
