I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
