I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
