You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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