Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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