Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
