Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
