Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's the barista slut.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
