1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone came in the potted fern
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
