i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
