So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
