my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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