Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
