Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
