I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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