are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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