I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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