I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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