Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
