I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
