I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
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So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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