I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
