You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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