I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
