I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we made out on top of his cat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
