Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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