Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
