I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
