he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
