Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
