Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
