He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
