Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
