I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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