Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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