somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
