We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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