We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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