My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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