doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
