my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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