fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
