But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
