Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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