After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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