He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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