last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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