It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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