so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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