he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
