Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
